A little background

I suppose if anyone is actually reading this I do owe you a little background.

I have been married now for almost 11 years. I was married at 20 and we had our son shortly after. Then came our daughter just 2 years later. Like most young girls I was thrilled to have a family of my own and proud to be a mama. I still am proud to be a mama.

At the time when the kids were just little toddlers I wanted nothing more than to be a Suzy Homemaker, Betty Crocker. I stayed home with them until my son was nearly 4 years old. I wouldn't trade those years for anything.

During the time when my babies were still babies I gave everything I had to them. All of my attention and time. That's how it should be. They had all they needed and more. We went on day trips, played outside, read, colored and had lots of fun times.

As they grew up, my husband and I, it seems grew apart. Or, perhaps I grew up and am the one who's growing apart from him. It appears he is more in love than ever, but for me, that isn't the case. Did we not spend enough time together really getting to know each other? Did we pick up separate interests along the way and are no longer on the same page? Did we just grow and in the process change who we both are? I don't have the answer for what happened and is happening. I do know though that I'm not so sure I'm in this for the long haul.

That's a very scary thing to say and to admit and face. The way I see things now is not the way he sees them. I want to grow, experience life, travel to the city, dance, be free spirited and get to know who I am. I'm not the Suzy Homemaker Betty Crocker I once was. I guess as time goes on we change. We become someone different and play different roles. Sure, I keep house, cook and take care of the kids and bills just like I always did. But, there is a side of me that needs to come out. That spunky side. She's been hidden inside so long that she's just tearing at the seams to be let out. That side has always been part of me. I just hold her in. I can't do that any longer. She needs to breathe...and so do I.