I may need a ladder soon

To get out of this hole I have apparently been digging myself into.

You see, I have reconnected with someone from the past. Eeekk! It's been a wild ride and one I'm not so sure I want to get off of and I'm darn sure hoping the ride doesn't end anytime soon. So, this "friend" is someone I knew going back to when we met 16 years ago. It was a crazy time and we were both wild and carefree. The fun we had together is one of the most vivid memories I have of that time in my life and I wouldn't take any single thing back about them.

The last time we spoke was 12 years ago. I had waited 4 long years for him to say that he was finally ready to stop the back and forth and that he wanted to try an actual relationship. He asked me. He asked a few months too late and being young I had to choose the sure bet I had upstairs or him. He never seemed to be able to make up his mind so I chose the sure bet. I haven't regretted that but I have always wondered if I made the right decision. A girlfriend of mine called it "unfinished business". Well, perhaps it's time to finish the "business" and see once and for all where this goes and get some answers to my questions.

I realize that what I am doing is not quite honest or moral, but who says I'm not allowed to question things in my own life? Do we not all make mistakes? Do we not all question whether a decision we have made was the right one? No, we all do that and that is what I am doing now. Call it selfish, I don't care. I need to know. I don't want to live the rest of my life and regret that for the second time I had the chance to find out and didn't.

I am though curious about his intentions. Being able to read his mind would be a sure plus, but that isn't going to happen. So, the next best thing is to run the situation by a close male friend. You see, this guy who I will call Tim is something of a mystery. Most women believe a man will screw any attractive woman he meets if she is willing. Why not, right? Well, not so with Tim. We had the chance to meet a few times and only once did we actually get together. It was beautiful and the chemistry was beyond words. However, he made no move to get me in the sack. I am grateful for that as it showed that his motives are not purely sexual but then I wonder if his motives include more than that, why does he keep me at an arms length? Clearly by the text messages I receive he is more than interested in sex with me (and that's nothing that hasn't happened many times in the past). So, why not get together? That's what I can't figure out. I'm not suggesting we get together for that, but to talk. To catch up and just spend time together for awhile. That's where my good male friend comes in. After much talking and going back and forth with details he is of the opinion that Tim is interested but being as I am still "attached" he is not ready to make the moves. However, he's interested enough to stay around in case that should change or if he decides he doesn't care that I am "attached" and wants to see where things go.

All of this sounds about right to me. I'd just like to know where it goes and how he feels. I also know that this is not something that I can believe I'm going through. I never thought I'd be in this position. I am though and I'm not about to let this chance pass me up again.